Friday, December 31, 2010

2010

This year has been a rough one for me personally. My oldest son went to jail for a while, though all charges were dropped in the end it was not a good experience for him. He ended up in the hospital seriously ill because of poor medical care while in jail.
In March I lost my father to cancer, and though we had a long period when we were not in touch because of my stepmother, we had reconciled and it was and is a major loss. He was a good man, and I loved him very much. He served his country for over 20 years in the Air Force, and worked for the U.S. Postal Service. His funeral service included military honors and I proudly display his burial flag in my home in remembrance of his service. I know he is up there watching over me along with his mother, father, and two sisters who passed on before him.
I am very happy that I survived my own health scare and celebrate each day as a gift from God. I plan to live life to fullest and to be around for a long time and enjoy every day of it. I am feeling better every day and working hard to regain my strength and stamina. Some days I forget and over do, but I am working on that.
I have a wonderful loving husband who took excellent care of me through all of the bad and who I love very much. I also have two sons who I love and many wonderful friends who were there for me when I needed them.
I was truly blessed in 2010 and pray that am so blessed with family, friends, and good health in the New Year.
I wish you all a very happy and healthy new year. May you be blessed with good health and much happiness in the coming year.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Pets Belong in the Home NOT in Stores!

Boycott Barnes and Noble Bookstores. They let non-service dogs in the store and in the cafe.

I was in Barnes and Noble Bookstore today and a lady came in with a dog she was trying to hide under her coat. It was bigger than a purse a dog and set my allergies off so bad I had to leave the store.

She was in the cafe and wandering around the store. When I reported her I was told she could bring the dog in the store, but not the cafe. I turned around and she was in the cafe again and no one chased her out.

Dogs do not belong in bookstores, or any store other than a pet store, unless they are service animals. People please do not bring your animals shopping with you, as there are many of us who are severely allergic.

I will pay for the dog being in the store for at least two days, if not more. And yes I do take allergy meds, but they do not always work. It depends on the kind of dog and if I had known there was going to be a dog in the store I would not have gone in there.

I am so angry. I love to hang out at the bookstore and sit in the cafe or by the fireplace and read or write on winter days when I am off and just need a change of environment.

I came home and took a shower, threw my clothes, coat and all in the laundry and took more allergy medication. My nose is itching like crazy and my eyes as well.

People need to keep their pets at home. I understand that some people think of their pets as children, but they do not belong in stores. There are many people in the world who are allergic to animals, some of us to anything with fur, and we should have the right to shop in an allergen, health hazard, free environment. My entire day was ruined because one idiot thought her dog belonged in the store with her. It was not even one of those little purse dogs it was a medium size dog and was fighting to get out of her arms all three times I saw her. Her dog should have been left at home, or she should have stayed home with it if she is that attached to it.

The one thing I am very grateful for is that it was not a cat, as they are worse and a cat could have sent me to the emergency room.

I am writing to the head of Barnes and Noble books to file a complaint and to let them know that if they continue to allow dogs in their stores, other than service dogs, that I will no longer be shopping with them and I buy a lot of books and such from them. Borders Books will be getting my business in the future.

For the health of all those with allergens, boycott Barnes and Noble Books.

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Boy Who Dared

This book was on the list of books I read for the Teacher's Choice Awards last year. The author is Susan Campbell Bartoletti. It was one of many up for the award. I do not remember if it made the final cut or not, but in my opinion it should have been in first place. It was well written and easy to read, except that you needed tissues near by.

It is the story of a young man, Helmuth Guddat Hübener in Germany during Hitler's reign of terror. It is based on a true story. The boy is a German, and joins the Hitler Youth caught up in the glory of it all, at the start. On page 48 he says, "A savior is somebody who rescues someone or something from harm or danger,...That's what Hitler has done. He has rescued the Fatherland from poverty, unemployment, and inflation - just as he promised he would." He does not want to join because of his stepfather. His older brother is drafted into the army. He would not refuse to serve his country even though he was not a Nazi and did not believe in what he was going off to fight for. He left behind a short wave radio, which he told Helmuth not to use. It was locked in a closet. Helmuth did not listen, as is true of younger brothers and broke into the closet so he could get the radio.

Helmuth listened to the BBC and he begins to realize that people's rights are being denied, that the Jews are being threatened, and their livelihoods destroyed. Listening to the radio, he realizes that they are being lied to and that information is being censored. He realizes that the world is dangerous, at least in Germany. Ideas must agree with the party philosophy, because if they do not your life is in danger. "'Listening to foreign radio stations is forbidden,' continues the newscaster. 'Violations will be punished by imprisonment or death.'"(page 77)

It is in this world, this time that he comes to terms with many things. Friends can turn on you in a heartbeat, families will turn in family members to save them selves, and it is treasonous to speak out against Hitler. Helmuth takes a huge chance when he learns all this and decides to share what he knows with others. He enlists the help of two friends when he shares what he knows with them and begins a very dangerous mission to share what he learns on the BBC with others by writing up reports and passing them out in the night.
The book is written in novel form with flashbacks. It starts with Day 264 on Death Row in Plötzensee Prison, Berlin Germany, October 27, 1942. Helmuth was imprisoned for his crimes.

The first time he takes out the radio he knows it is a selfish act and that he is endangering his family, but he also knows that arresting people for their beliefs is wrong and on page 103 he says "Taking away our freedoms is a crime." It is his first step toward his execution. Listening to the radio he is shocked that the British are honest in announcing their losses. He writes a paper for school called “The War of the Plutocrats.” His teacher says it “suits the ideals of National Socialism…A plutocracy is a selfish government controlled by the wealthy, But National Socialism is a selfless government. A good Nazi works for the good of the Fatherland, not for self-interest and self-gain. A good Nazi is a good soldier for the Fatherland, one who can lead as well as follow.” (page 105) After class his teacher warns him that his idealism is dangerous and that he must be careful. Helmuth wants to tell him the truth, but is afraid instead he says, “I will go far. Just you wait and see. Someday you will hear something great about me." (page 107)

This is the story of a young man who not afraid to speak out, not afraid to speak the truth. I think it is an excellent book for use in the classroom and want to have my history students read it in the spring.

To find out the details of the story you need to read the book. It contains photos of the wall surrounding the prison, Helmuth, his family and friends. It also contains prints of a poster announcing his execution with the English translation, as well as Helmuth’s execution chamber. The horrors of Hitler extended beyond his horrendous treatment of the Jews. He executed children; Helmuth was 16 years old when he was executed. He was executed as an enemy of the state because he “fought for human rights, political freedom, and truth.” (page 167) Even worse was that his mother found out about his execution when she read about it in the newspaper, the following day and to add to that she was sent a bill for his execution, which included the cost of postage to mail it to her. Hitler's atrocities continue to be shown as we dig deeper and deeper into history.

How could such an evil man become a leader of so many? I pray history does not repeat itself.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

God got my attention

I am reading a book by Julia Cameron called The CreativeLife: True Tales of Inspiration
On page 200 she starts telling a story about her friend. Emma was baking a gingerbread house She dropped the pan when taking it from he oven. She has never dropped one before and was devastated. Julia took a piece to taste, but said it was too strong. Emma tasted it and grimaced. She had tried a different brand of molasses and it was not the same. Emma was relieved. She was proud of her baked goods and this one was not up to par. It was a good thing she dropped it. When this was relayed to a third friend, Jennifer said it was a mistake caught and corrected. Then she clarified that Emma had never dropped anything before in her baking and said, "Well, then-.... God wanted her attention."

Have you ever had God knock on your door trying to get your attention? Did you pay attention? I can tell you that I probably did not hear His tap at my door, but when he banged I most certainly id and now I am listening for His soft taps more closely than I was before.

God often knocks on our door and we do not listen. He tapped on mine several times, and I ignored him until he finally banged in the door. Now I am listening each day to see if he tapping on my door. I do not need him to knock in the door again. I am trying to pay attention and listen just in case he wants my attention each day. I pause and take the time to look around and enjoy life instead of rushing through each day trying to get as much done as I can in a short period of time. Sure, I may not accomplish as much as I could but I am listening to see if God wants my attention.

I have stepped back and re-examined some things and I am putting my priorities in order. Me comes first along with family work comes last. If does not get done at school it is not coming home with me. I do not care. I mean is it really necessary that teacher’s work 60 or 80-hour weeks to get special education paperwork done and grading. Some assignments can just be graded as completed. Not every paper needs to be edited and read 3 or more times to judge content, grammar, mechanics, etc...

After my close call with death, I realized that God was really trying to get my attention and I had better listen this time. I have been taking it easy, and enjoying life without all the stress and I have to tell you it is wonderful. So I have to give up some THINGS, there are more important things in life than THINGS. A nice dinner with my hubby, time with my son, the company of friends, a good book to read, a nap, a nice walk, and more. They are all worth living for and taking the time to enjoy instead of rushing around trying to get everything done and falling in to bed exhausted late at night. If it does not get done the world will not end. Life will go on, and we will all be better off in many ways because we took time to stop and smell the roses.

It is peaceful in the evening when you do not feel rushed. I have time to sew, time to read, play a game, and watch a TV show if I choose. I am not having to multi-task to get things done. I listened and I hope you will take the time to listen also, because you never know when god is knocking on your door and it is better to answer when he taps on the door than when he bangs.

Listen! God might be trying to get your attention.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Being Me

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss


In her book The One Year Book of Inspiration for Girlfriends, Ellen Miller says "...many women have difficulty revealing their true selves...that is until the woman hits her late fifties or early sixties. That's when I think women begin reading Dr. Seuss again." (page 299). "...some of the women....have adopted Dr. Seuss's philosophy. They are comfortable demonstrating...authenticity..." (page 299).

To often today we hide behind masks pretending to be what others expect us to be. I've come to realize that I need to be me and the hell with the rest of the world. I have suppressed my beliefs to please others and it causes me pain. I often keep quiet to avoid confrontation because my views differ from others. I've made myself over to be what others expect, but no more. I am letting the real me out of the bag and if you have a problem with that TOUGH!

I am tired of hiding me. I like bright colors, quiet reflection, meditation, and writing. I believe in the Bible and God is my savior. The Bible is our guide it is Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. It gives us our rules and morals and we should follow them and tell Satan to stop knocking at the door because we are not answering. Our society has gone to the devil and he needs to take his followers and go back in the closet or down the rabbit hole, because he is not going to win. God is!

I know I have rambled off track, but that is why this blog is called Worm's Wanderings, because I wander.

Back to Dr. Seuss. I am done with hiding the real me and biting my tongue. If you don’t like what I have to say, then that is your problem, not mine. GO back in your closet or hole and stay there, because you are not going to ruin my day. I am going to be me.

Today I am going to dress for me and not for anyone else. If you think my skirt is too short my age, that is your issue not mine. If I want long hair or purple hair, or no hair that is my choice and I do not care what the rest of you think. I can walk down the street naked if I feel the urge and the only thing society can do is throw me in jail for indecent exposure. I still have the right do it until they catch me, not that I would, because that is not who I am.

I am a person who has her own opinions and feelings and you cannot tell me how to think or what to do. I believe in morals and values. If you mind you don't matter.

Today I am wearing leggings and a short dress and enjoying life because I am being me and those who love me don't mind.

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Dr. Seuss

Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Diagnosis

I was diagnosed with a Congenital Heart Defect, which is called an Anomalous Left Anterior Descending Artery. What that means is that instead of having two arteries on the left side of my heart and one on the right mine were reversed and the one on the right that should have been on the left was crossing over between the aorta and the pulmonary artery and getting pinched when my heart was stressed. Stressed due to physical exercise, emotional stress, anything that made my heart work harder or faster. I was born with this and over time as we grow older our arteries become less flexible and this lead to it being pinched, thus reducing the blood flow and causing me chest pain or angina, as well as other issues.

This led to my being in heart failure as the blood was not flowing well. My ankles and other areas of my body were swollen due to retained fluids, including internally. I was short of breath and yet when I went to the doctor thinking it was my asthma they said my lungs were clear. I had trouble breathing and coughed a lot when I lay down so slept with multiple pillows. I was coughing and wheezing, but my lungs were clear. I was tired or fatigued and yet my iron level was fine and my thyroid was fine. My heart often felt like it was racing, but that was normal (or so I was told). I was not eating much, but gaining weight, and feeling bloated. I was told to exercise more. We road almost 1,000 miles on the bike the summer prior to my diagnosis and I worked out, but I needed to exercise more? My brain was foggy, but I figured it was because I was tired, little did I know it was actually related to my heart. I was not sleeping well due to sleep disturbances. I had a few twinges in my shoulders and arms, but thought they were from over doing, or that the bike seat needed to be adjusted. I also put off a few chest twinges to stress as they came and went quickly and I was very stressed between work and my father dying of cancer. They never lasted so I never thought of them being related to my heart.

No one ever put all these symptoms together, even though I asked my doctors. I even asked about my circulation because my feet were always cold. Sure I had high blood pressure and retained some fluid so they gave me blood pressure med and water pills. It helped but the problems kept getting worse. I could not climb a flight of stairs without getting winded halfway up. It was not until the chest pains started and were bad that I went to the doctor and got real tests and real answers.

It is scary to think I could have died, just dropped dead. Only 1 to 2% of the population has this defect and most do not know about it until they are dead. Actually they do not know, their families do. I was one of the lucky ones. I had symptoms. It just took along time to get the doctors to put the pieces together. Please if you have symptoms, push for testing. Do not wait. I could have died if I had not finally had chest pain and would have been much better off if I would have gotten this diagnosed before I did. I was a walking zombie by the time I was diagnosed. My husband has said many times he does not know how I kept on going as bad a shape as I was in. I do not know how I kept on going either. I was just functioning on autopilot and really most of the last few months prior to my surgery are a blur as I was just there. I slept for hours on end just to make it through a day of work and came home to sleep.

In fact now that I think about it I probably should not have been driving because I know my reflexes were not their best. My brain was not focused and I was not my best at anything. I was just functioning on autopilot. I was in bad shape and am very lucky to be alive today. I was blessed and thank God for my being here and for my health.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Heart Blog Two

I was scheduled to see two doctors and have an echocardiogram on May 12th for a consult at the University of Washington Regional Heart Center when Tom and I flew down May 11th, planning to return on the 16th. We knew that surgery was a possibility, but not much more than that at the time we left Anchorage. They told us to plan to stay at least one extra day in case they wanted more tests, and that there was the possibility they would do surgery. Since there was the possibility of surgery I went for first class. I was not coming home in the cattle car after being cut open.
We boarded our flight a little apprehensive, and looking for a solution to my problem on May 11th. The flight was pleasant and I relaxed some in the comfort of my seat. I also decided that I am not traveling in the cattle car again. It is first class all the way for me.
We landed in Seattle and got our rental car and joined the mob of vehicles on the road. I am so glad Tom was there to drive. I would have gotten off and turned around to go back home. There were so many cars. I complain about traffic in Anchorage and we have no traffic at all compared to Seattle. I was a nervous wreck and I was not even driving.
We arrived at the hostel, which was listed as one of the places giving discounts for patients of the University of Washington called the Collegian. It was a disaster. For one I requested a queen bed. I got a room with three single beds that were set up like a dormitory. It was dirty, and had a smell. There was animal dander of some kind in the room as it drove my allergies insane. Tom propped the two windows open so that the smell could dissipate and I got on the phone calling to complain. They could do nothing about any of the issues. I got out my list and called other places on it and found us a different place to stay the next night and for the rest of our time in Seattle. Tom moved the beds around so that two singles were side by side to make a double and we put our suitcases in the bathroom as it was the cleanest looking part of the room. We went out for a walk and to get something to eat. We found a coffee shop and had a chai and a coffee and asked where was a good place to eat. They young man there recommended a Greek place down the street a ways. We thanked him and set off with our drinks to explore the area. We were in the University area and found some interesting places. We also wandered into the University bookstore, which was huge compared to the University of Alaska Anchorages. I bought a few post cards and we got a map of the area and continued on our walk.
We stopped to eat at the place that was recommended to us. I had a Gyro and a side of Hummus. Tom has the Gyro platter and it was more than enough food. We got two pieces of Baklava to go and went to explore some more on our way back to the hole in the wall. Needless to say I did not sleep well that night and could not wait to get out of there and change to a clean hotel.
We headed off to the University Regional Heart Center for my appointments and some food. I saw Dr. Otto and her fellow, a doctor studying under her. She specializes in Congenital Heart Defects in Adults. Both of them told me that I was having surgery to correct my defect. There were not really any other options. They could try playing with my meds but that would not fix it. Surgery was the best option. Until that point surgery was an option that might be considered, but it was not definite. Now it loomed in front of me and it was scary as hell. I mean I knew that they would stop my heart and I could die, just not all the specifics at that point.
We changed hotels, and got some lunch before heading back to the University Regional Heart Center for my echocardiogram and to meet with the surgeon, Dr. Verrier.
The echocardiogram went smoothly and the technician was very nice, explaining to me what I was seeing on the monitor and what she was taking pictures of, etc... It was very interesting to watch and learn. I thought it was pretty cool to see the colors, which showed the blood flowing in and out of the chambers of my heart. It was relaxing and I was comfortable.
We sat and waited in the waiting room until time to see the surgeon and his fellow. They were both very nice and I felt comfortable with them.
Dr. Verrier is a professor of surgery and chief of the Division of Cardiothoracic Surgery. (http://www.medical.washington.edu/bios/view.aspx?CentralId=29515)
I was very comfortable with him and felt that my life was in capable hands. I felt reassured that I would be fine, even though the list of possible things that could happen was scary as hell. They went over all the things and explained them. The list included stopping my heart and putting me on the heart lung machine, that I could have a stroke or a heart attack, or I could die. My head was spinning at that point as I signed the papers for the surgery.
Dr. Verrier confirmed the diagnosis of a congenital heart defect, which is called an Anomalous Left Anterior Descending Artery. What that means is that instead of having two arteries on the left side of my heart and one on the right mine were reversed and the one on the right that should have been on the left was crossing over between the aorta and the pulmonary artery and getting pinched when my heart was stressed. Stressed due to physical exercise, emotional stress, anything that made my heart work harder or faster. I was born with this and over time as we grow older our arteries become less flexible and this lead to it being pinched, thus reducing the blood flow and causing me chest pain or angina, as well as other issues.
They gave us three dates for surgery all in the very near future and Tom said we would take the first one. They had said the sooner the better. One week until my life would change...I prayed for the better.
Every one in the clinic was helpful, friendly, and very upbeat. It helped make me feel calmer and more relaxed.
After signing my life away we headed out to the car to sightsee. Once we were in the car I started to cry as the fear of everything set in. I could die on the operating table, or become permanently disabled. I was scared to death and we still had to call my mother and my sons and tell them that surgery was no longer an option, it was a definite and scheduled in one week.
My mind was racing a million miles an hour with regard to if I died, and what would happen to my stuff and my family and, and, and,...
I think the hardest phone call for me was to my mother. I tried to be brave but ended up in tears. I let Tom tell the boys as I could not be brave for that.
I was looking forward to and yet dreading my surgery as I was afraid. We spent the next week relaxing and touring Seattle around pre-op appointments and blood work.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Heart Blog One

It has been a long while since I last sat and typed up an entry for my blog, but today my mind wandered over this last year, which has been one hell of a ride and not necessarily a good one. I started out in January with a relatively quiet month, my father was holding his own against the cancer and I thought, things were good. I was in for a shock in February when chest pains sent me to the ER. I was sure I was having a heart attack all the stress of work, my father's illness and my oldest son being up to his normal crap, meaning how stressed can I make my parents, was the cause. Little did I know at the time that I had a congenital heart defect, which had just decided to rear its head and let me know it was there.
Over several years I had been to the doctor's numerous times with complaints of something not being right, and not feeling well, tired, short of breath, swollen ankles and the like. Every time they said I was fine and sent me on my way, so I thought maybe it was for the most part in my head. During the summer I had pains in my shoulder and arm, but put the blame on the bike seat not being set right or the handlebars needing adjusted, etc...
In February my trip to the ER resulted in an overnight stay at the hospital and a nuclear stress test, which showed a blockage when my heart was stressed. A follow up with my doctor and my demanding it resulted in a referral to a cardiologist. During this time I had to delay a trip to visit my father. I set up the cardiology appointment and left town to visit my father. On March 4th I returned home to see the doctor on the 5th. He ordered further tests, a coronary catheterization and I thought, okay I have CAD like my mother. CAD is coronary artery disease and means that you have a blockage in your arteries due to a build up of plaque. After seeing the cardiologist and scheduling my cath. appointment I though I had a few days to relax. Life loves to kick you when you are down and it was during this time that my father passed away and I had to get back on a plane and fly to Kansas again. On the flight I was hit with another bout of severe chest pain and had to use the nitroglycerin tablets the doctor had given me. Talk about scary, trying having chest pains a few thousand miles in the air, when you have no idea where you are in relation to an airport. The pills did their job and the pain subsided, but I was certainly a little scared at that point.
After burying my father and dealing with all the emotional upheaval of a funeral, his sisters and brother, my stepsisters and their families, and then the long flight back home I returned to work for a few days.
I was ready the next week for my coronary cath. and the possibility of having a stent put in, but that was not the case.
If you have never had a coronary catheterization or an angioplasty, it is an experience that you learn from, literally. I got to watch on the monitor, after they cut into my leg, as they threaded a wire and tubing up through an artery in my leg to my heart. It was a little uncomfortable, more from the idea than from any real pain. I was relaxed from some good drugs that they injected me with to keep my calm. It was also very interesting to watch them thread the wire through.
After it was over and I was back in the outer patient area, resting on my back in bed, the doctor came out to chat with Tom and I. He said that my arteries were clear, but I had an unusual condition and he wanted to do more tests to confirm it. Of course, since I was a little out of it Tom asked the doctor to explain. My cardiologist told us that I have two arteries on the right and one on the left, where as most people have two on the left and one on the right. The problem was that the one on the left that should be on the right appeared to be being pinched by the aorta and the pulmonary artery. He wanted to do further tests to confirm this and to see what the options might be for fixing things.
I set up an appointment for two weeks down the road before we left for home. Once we were home I went to bed, doctor's orders. I was to rest for 3 days and then take it easy until Monday. Resting was easy, I was tired. I took it easy and made sure I stayed off my feet, as ordered. I mean they had put a wire up the artery into my heart and there were risks like bleeding or infection to consider.
I was feeling better on Saturday and was up for a while. On Sunday I took a nap and woke up with chest pain. I took my nitroglycerin and lay quiet for a while, then came up to eat Easter Dinner. When I came up stairs both Tom and Bryce were asking me if I was okay, and at first I said yes and wondered what why. Then I started to feel intense pain. If you have ever heard the expression about an elephant sitting on your chest, which is the best I can say. I felt as if something was pushing my chest wall in and crushing me, crushing all the air out of my lungs. It was horrifying and I was scared I was dying. I tried to say I was okay as I could see the intense fear in my son's eyes, but I could not lie. I thought I was going to die right there and then, and I am not exaggerating. I took another dose of nitro and Tom raced me to the ER, which is just 5 minutes away, and they immediately took me in and hooked me up to machines, drew blood, and started other tests. They gave me more nitro and kept a close watch over me. The pain eventually subsided and they determined that I had not had a heart attack, but they did not know what it was. I was monitored for a couple of hours and then sent home with instructions to come back if it reoccurred and to call my cardiologist in the morning. I went home to bed, with a very nervous husband, who must have asked me 200 times if I was feeling okay.
The next morning I called my cardiologist who moved up my CT scan to the next day. I spent that day resting at home and not doing anything that might set off another round of chest pain, though I had not been doing anything the day before either.
That Tuesday Tom took me to get my CT scan. The doctor said that I had an artery getting pinched and they wanted to do another test, an MRI, which I scheduled for the next week.
During all this time I was looking more and more energy, getting shorter of breath and feeling worse every day. I was working two days, resting a day, working two days, just to make it through the school week. I was scared and barely making it through it school day. I was not the best teacher for my students.
After all the tests were in the cardiologist talked to other cardiologists and a pediatric cardiovascular surgeon, as he had never seen my defect before, or at least not since med school thirty years ago. His recommendation was that I get a second opinion on what do from someone who specialized in adult congenital heart defects, outside of Alaska since there was no specialist up here.
I called and talked to someone at the University of Washington and had my records sent down, and waited to hear from them.

It Is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to Pay Off Your College Loan

  There is a key point that the leftist are totally missing in their, asinine argument, saying that the government should pay off student lo...